She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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