Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
