I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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