My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize