I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
