is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
