i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
