The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
