you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
