Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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