He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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