my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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