her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize