Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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