Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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