nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
