Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
