Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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