just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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