Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
