I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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