Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
