i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Randomize
