girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Houston, we have a blender
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
