Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
