I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
be right there i have to get my cape
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
