I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
