She is in my trunk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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