I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Still dying that you shit outside
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
