I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
