You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
