The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
