I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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