Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
