i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
