How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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