My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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