Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
