I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
