I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize