Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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