I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize