I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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