You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
