I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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