I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
