she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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