i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just high enough for therapy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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