East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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