If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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