i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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