Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
