Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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