if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
