Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
