A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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