Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
