he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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