You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
