How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
