What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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