I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
