Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
