Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
