This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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