oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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