Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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