I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
