He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize