I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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