My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
